Awkward things.

Responsibility shmonsibility

on February 17, 2013

I feel out of control, completely out of control. I just want to cry and bury myself under a pile of pillows for a week; until everyone else has forgotten that I exist, and won’t put me in charge of anything ever again. I hate being tossed deadlines that I wasn’t aware of, and I hate responsibilities that aren’t mine, but are thrust on me by, (in my opinion,) people that are a lot more capable that I am. I’m just a child that lives in Fairyland half the time. I should not be trusted with important things.

I can do grown-up things, I can, it’s just that doing them puts me under a heavy weight of stress that makes me nauseous, ravenous and lots of other words that end in -us that I can’t think of right now. I am feeling a multitude of -us words at the moment, and my natural reaction, (rather than to suck it up and plan and make lists and organise like an adult would,) is to have a little rant to my computer and then congratulate myself on the fact that I actually wrote something down; not that this is the writing that I’m supposed to be doing right now, but still…

The fact is that I am not ready for this. I don’t think that I give the impression of being ready for any kind of responsibility, unless the stress-doler’s prerequisites for adulthood are talking to dogs in a baby voice and enjoying the company of bubbles and cushions shaped like cupcakes. I am very clearly wearing a neon sign that reads ‘child’ yet no-one is paying attention to it. Maybe everyone is so wrapped up in their own failure to grow up that they don’t recognise it in other people. Maybe my mum likes bubbles too…


2 responses to “Responsibility shmonsibility

  1. love your blog, read through all your entries today at work. WOWOW. fierce and fabulous. Found you on hellogiggles.

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