Awkward things.

Relax, Don’t Do It

on May 4, 2013

I am not good at angry. I say I’m not good at angry like I say I’m not good at interpretive dance or shot-put. I don’t want to be good at it. I see a lot of people around me that are very talented and practiced at getting angry and it confuses me. Like why? And how? How can you lift such a heavy ball and toss it so far? Why do you want to make all these weird movements that most sane people can’t understand anyway, instead of just saying ‘you know what sucks? War.’ Do you ever get the feeling that everyone around you is just a teensy bit crazier than you are?

I don’t know. I’ve never been very good at understanding people, not even myself, but when I see people getting so angry that they look like they’re about to explode, I just want to say ‘Calm down, relax, have a cup of tea and a sit,’ which we all know is exactly the wrong thing to say to an angry person. Saying ‘calm down’ is like saying ‘please get even more angry, and focus it on the one person that cares about your wellbeing and blood pressure.’ Angry people don’t want to be calm, they want to hit things and yell. A lot.

When the world is mean to me, I don’t get angry, I get upset. I descend into Emoville and sulk and cry and ‘why me?’ for a bit. Then I’m absolutely hunky dory without any criminal damage or physical assault having taken place. This is great for me, because I feel bad every time I SEE a police officer. I start to think maybe I’ve done something illegal that I didn’t know about, and now I’m going to prison forever, great. So even though I have to put up with the ugly, puffy, crying face that doesn’t exist in movies, I’m glad that I’m not good at angry. I just wish the people around me were better at sad, despite their movie girl crying skills. Bitches.


2 responses to “Relax, Don’t Do It

  1. Giselle says:

    Interesting post. I don’t really have the personality to get angry, but I might feel either upset, slightly annoyed or sad if something doesn’t go right. And that’s assuming that whatever happened is a big enough deal for me to even get that way.

    I do, however, have friends and acquaintances who are very “talented” in the art of being angry. I think it’s silly. There’s no amount of shaking and screaming and cursing and throwing things that’s going to change whatever happened that got you to that point.

    Usually I’ll advise people like that to turn any negatives into positives and then just move on. Life’s too short to get worked up about the little things that go wrong, and it’s such a waste of time and energy to get that angry.

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